


love me or leave me

by basementhero



Series: heal it or break it all apart [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Famous Harry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 12:03:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7221613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/basementhero/pseuds/basementhero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall and Harry’s relationship is in limbo. Niall’s not really sure that he wants to hold on anymore, but he also doesn’t know if he can leave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	love me or leave me

**Author's Note:**

> obviously inspired by Little Mix's "Love Me or Leave Me." cross-posted from my tumblr.

Even Niall starts to ‘ship’ them, after a while.

Gorgeous model Kendall Jenner and X Factor runner-up-turned-music-superstar Harry Styles, the perfect media couple. Pretty people belong together, don’t they?

No one mentions the Irishman Harry has waiting for him at home, the one who’s supported Harry since the dark days, when no one would sign him and he would play gigs at any shady pub that would take him, no matter the day or hour. No one thinks about Niall, who worked two terrible jobs so they could keep the lights on and Harry could come home feeling rejected and not have to add frostbite to his list of woes. No one considers that it’s a bit of a dick move to speculate about the potential attractiveness of the nonexistent babies of a nonexistent couple while one half of that hypothetical pair is already engaged to someone else.

Who can blame them, though, when Harry himself doesn’t even bring it up?

“Kendall and I aren’t dating,” he says with a good-natured chuckle, time and time again. “We’re just friends.”

No “I’m already taken.” No “I have a fiancé.” No “I’m very publicly in love with someone else and you can all fuck off.”

Niall, of course, isn’t surprised. He was when it first started—when Harry would blow off their lazy-day plans to go to fashion shows, when Harry stayed in LA a week longer than he said had to for recording, when photos kept turning up of Harry with this woman draped on his arm like an accessory. Niall had been shocked—terrified, even—that Harry would ever do such a thing. Now, it’s normal. Harry takes a yacht vacation in the Caribbean, and Niall takes a scalding bath alone in their too-big London home.

Harry isn’t actually cheating, in the most literal sense. Niall knows better than to worry about Harry sticking his dick in anyone but Niall while they’re still, for all intents and purposes, together. Harry may be a distant asshole but he’s a loyal one. He’ll kick Niall to the curb—or gently offer to pay for a moving service to come pack up all of his things—before he makes a legitimate move on Kendall. It’s almost worse, if Niall’s being completely honest. He’d rather have a picture of the two of them snogging so he can point to it and say “This. This is why we’re over.” Instead, he just feels paranoid, waiting for something to happen and the dam to finally break.

He’s prepared for that—in a practical sense, not an emotional one. Niall has a suitcase packed with approximately a week’s worth of clothes and a duffel bag ready to collect toiletries and various knick-knacks on the way out the door. He’s made casual inquiries with his friends to see who would have the space and patience to let him crash at their houses until he can find his own place. He’s gone through the trouble of separating his things from Harry’s so they’re easily put in boxes and taken out the door. Harry apparently hasn’t noticed, not that he’s home all that often. Niall could probably dye his hair lavender and Harry wouldn’t realize until it had mostly grown back out again.

“What happened to your hair?” he would say.

“I dyed it,” Niall would answer dryly, absolutely keeping his cool and not getting upset that his fiancé doesn’t regularly look at him long enough to notice his hair color.

“Just the tips?” Harry would ask, as that’s all that would be left of the unusual color by that point.

“No. All of it. Three months ago.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Harry would apologize for being a dick, down on his knees pleading with Niall to forgive him. He would promise to be more attentive and whisk Niall away to go over to the courthouse and immediately end their two-year engagement with a tiny shotgun wedding.

More likely, Harry would hum in confusion and then move on to better things. So Niall doesn’t do anything stupid like go lavender or get a tattoo or pierce his tongue. He’d look like an attention whore and wouldn’t even get anything for it except the confirmation that he’s basically invisible to the love of his life.

As much as it hurts to sit around anticipating the end, Niall can’t make himself force anything to happen. He could walk out the door one day while Harry’s out and be gone before the other man can do anything about it, but he won’t. There’s a part of him that will always love Harry and hold on to the hope that Harry still loves him back. There’s another, pettier part that refuses to be the bad guy in this situation and stubbornly will not let go until forced. Yet another part just can’t willfully stand aside to make way for someone else. Altogether, Niall is a mess, and he’s a mess that’s not strong enough to get up and make the decision for his and Harry’s relationship.

There are still moments that tie him down when it seems like he’s finally reached the point of no return. Lips pressed reverently to his forehead when Harry gets up at dawn and Niall pretends he’s still asleep. Secret smiles across the room when Harry remembers to invite Niall out to his celebrity events. The light in Harry’s eyes when he sits next to Niall on the sofa and picks up the blond’s left hand so he can play with the engagement ring he put there when things started to look up for them. Even if most of Harry is in love with Kendall, there has to be some small piece of him that still loves Niall, still a bit lost in nostalgia or devotion or obligation that comes out when it’s quiet and Harry has the time to think about the man he promised to spend his life with. And it makes Niall weak at the knees to see love when he looks at Harry, always has and probably always will. How can he walk away when he can’t even stay on his feet?

“Are we going to be hearing wedding bells soon?” a reporter asks with a standard media grin, holding out her microphone to Harry.

Niall doesn’t turn off the television because he’s not that childish. He doesn’t look away because he’s still stuck giving Harry more chances than he maybe deserves.

Harry looks poised and dashing in his Gucci, floral-print suit. Kendall stands so close to his side that she may as well be glued to his arm. They didn’t go to the awards ceremony together, of course. Harry wouldn’t step over that line. It’s obvious they conveniently met up on the red carpet, from the greeting cheek-kisses caught on camera to the way Kendall’s bright yellow dress doesn’t really coordinate with the black-and-white of Harry’s suit. It will go splendidly with the yellow flower bolo tie Harry has picked out for his all-black performance ensemble later in the night, but at that point it can just be written off as coincidence.

The mantra: “Kendall and I are just friends.”

They could be twins with their matching fake smiles.

“Oh no,” the reporter laughs. “I meant your fiancé. Niall, isn’t it?”

Niall wants to marry this woman instead of Harry, if possible. She knows his name. He also wants to go back in time and punch her so she can’t ask Harry that question.

Harry chuckles awkwardly. He rearranges his hair, a classic nervous tick for him. Niall’s sure the general public will miss how Harry’s eyes go a bit sad, but he practically has a degree in the many nuances of Harry Styles, eyes included.

“Yeah, Niall,” Harry confirms slowly. Kendall’s face is so carefully plastic. “We’ve agreed on like…a long engagement. Marriage is basically a social construct, uh…so…we’re not rushing,” he finishes lamely.

The reporter clearly doesn’t know quite what to say to that. “That’s…good? I wish you both the best.”

“Thanks.”

Niall almost laughs at Harry’s face—the discomfort and the guilt and the wincing. He also wants to cry, a little. He doesn’t know why, exactly. It’s not like he expected Harry to launch into one of his characteristic rambles, waxing poetic about how much he loves him.

It doesn’t change anything. Niall’s phone won’t ring with Harry’s face on the screen, calling to beg forgiveness and promising to do better. Harry won’t return home to find the house empty. Their relationship will stay in the gray area between over and holding on. Niall will wait and worry until the day that Harry reaches a decision. He can already feel the heartbreak of being left behind.


End file.
